Friendship at Uncle Tom’s
My good friend, Aaron, a talented musician who I’ve shared
quite a bit of road time with, lost his father Tom suddenly last
week. The funeral is today
at 1 PM, and I find myself this morning trying to
comprehend grief that isn’t comprehendible until we feel it
ourselves, the death of a parent. There are many stories that are
shared at these difficult celebrations of our lost friends and
family; my Uncle Joe told me one of the important things he does at
memorials and funerals is seek out the small
stories of our lost loved ones. At my grandfather’s
funeral years ago, my Uncle Joe said, “I like to ask people what
they remember most about the person, a story that only they might
have shared or noted as important…” Last night at Tom’s memorial,
there were many stories being shared, and I wanted to pass this one
to you on MLK Day before I leave for the funeral, for its resonant
theme is brilliant: Tom had an amazing sense of humor coupled with
a love for learning and fearlessness. He also had the gift of
bringing people together. After 35 years of working at the same
company, Tom went back to college in 2008. He was probably the
oldest student in the class, well into his 50s, and the younger
students quickly looked up to him as a mentor. They not only shared
time with him in class and on group assignments, but Tom’s house
became a spot for BBQs, class parties, etc. His house became the
place to find hospitality, friendship, and music, to find relief
from a stressful assignment. He brought people of different ages,
different cultures, different experiences together: With ironic
humor and powerful love, the black students nicknamed him “Uncle
Tom.” We will indeed be missing Tom on this day coupled with
remembering Martin Luther King Jr.’s presence; but like MLK
expressed, the power of our coming together will be found in the
simplest of moments, welcoming friendship and love into our homes.
Those small stories live on. God Bless You All, Mike Vial
- Tom, Aaron, Drew & Charlene
