Those Shoes – Coping with Loss with Art
This week, my wife wrote a funny, touching essay about a “pain in [her] ass.”
Spoiler: It’s not me.
Rather, Natalie’s been having some back pain. And this made her think about the residual emotions we’ve had coping with miscarriage. (Read her essay here.)
Natalie writes about the experience better than I can in prose, but as she mentions in the essay, I did approach the topic in a song called, “Those Shoes” on my new record (that comes out tomorrow, as in Monday, October 3!)
Recording “Those Shoes” in the Cabin
Mike Gentry at the Burg Cabin Recording Sessions – May 2016
“Those Shoes” was the most difficult song to record when Mike Gentry and I went to the Burg cabin in May to track for three days.
It was the only song I hadn’t played live, hadn’t fully decided on the structure…I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to put this song on the record.
I wrote the first draft in 2014 when I lead a songwriting club, but I didn’t share it with anyone after that. I revisited the song in 2016 after Nat and I had the second miscarriage. By the time I went to the cabin, I had three possible endings of the song.
When Gentry and I were recording, I stopped in the afternoon after a rough set of takes, and said, “I don’t think I’m going to get this one right.”
He guided me through more tough takes, and told me I needed to sing as softly as I could, be delicate with the guitar’s finger-picking pattern. Remember, I recorded this record live. If I messed up, I have to do it again, and again, and again. Gentry’s patience is a virtue. And then he spent hours mixing it to maintain the delicate emotion.
We got the right.
Revisiting a Canty’s Question
Recently, I taped an interview with Michigan Radio’s Stateside that will air in October. Cynthia Canty asked me, “What do you want listeners to get from your record?” I wasn’t prepared for that question; I rambled.
But I’ve got a more honest answer: I want folks to feel a catharsis from the music, a healing from song.
If you are feeling a loss, even during a celebration that’s a bit shadowed, this record is for you.
And artists, do you ever feel that fear about oversharing in your work? I’ve toiled with this worry a lot over the years, and I’m still learning to ignore my fears. My best songs come when I address personal experience.
So I hope the record offers a reminder for you artists to run past that imaginary line. Be courageous. Create your best, honest work. Don’t worry about mistakes. Your work matters.
Lyrics for “Those Shoes”
We’ve had a rough stretch
Our tired arms are powerless
To what comes next
To what comes next
We lost a heartbeat
A secret kept between our feet
I was stepping back
I was stepping back
This pain won’t last
This pain won’t last
I know…
I’m tired, yet I can’t sleep
My mind has more than I can keep
To myself
To myself
I know there’s more that I could do
To sooth your pain and comfort you
I’m reaching out
I’m reaching out
This pain won’t last
This pain won’t last
I know…
And if we share our fears in twos
Could we have filled those shoes?
And if we share our fears in twos
Could we have filled those shoes?
We’ve had a rough stretch
My new record, A World That’s Bigger, comes out tomorrow, October 3, 2016! You can order a physical or digital copy here: mikevial.bandcamp.com. Every sale or stream helps, and it will be on all music platforms (iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify, etc.) on Monday.
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